3.29. The decision

Suletu stood alone looking somewhere in the distance. It was almost midnight, all went to rest to their tents, except her. She had her own plans. Now she was young adult and she could plan her life without other interference. And who cares about her? Anyone even didn't ask her how she feels. All acted as if nothing had happened, but Suletu didn't forget that night, when she and Okomi were punished. Okomi... What about Okomi? He sleeps with Maat and it's also ok,.. Even Kotori does nothing to recover Maat. Suletu wanted he would hit Okomi, shake him well, but no... Kotori walked like a shadow himself. Suletu saw him many times cuddling his baby girl Tama or walking with his older boy Chatan. It was sad to see her childhood friend suffering. They both suffered, but one day it had to end and that day will come tomorrow. Suletu decided and anyone will not make her to change her mind. She nodded silently and continued to eat her late dinner. It was her last dinner in this tribe.
- Suletu? - suddenly she heard Kotori's voice.
- Yes, Kotori, - she answered silently.
- Does the sadness make you hungry? - Kotori smiled.
- The sadness makes me angry, Kotori, and if you'll not stop to annoy me soon you'll make sure it yourself.

- Sorry... I didn't want to offend you, - Kotori said quickly.
- Then leave me alone, - Suletu said angrily. - I'm not in mood to talk to you!

- Come on, Suletu! - Kotori chuckled. - You don't want to be alone at all and we both know the truth, aren't we? Just look at yourself! You're like a walking misery than that girl I knew once!
Suletu still didn't look at Kotori. Her eyes filled with tears and she started to cry.

- Stop, Kotori! Stop it, please... - she sobbed.
- Tears will not help you, - Kotori said.
- I know... Let's hope it's my last tears like this night in the Blessing Moon tribe village.
- What do you mean?
- I'm leaving, Kotori, - Suletu wiped her tears and looked at Kotori.
- Leaving?
- Yes, - she nodded. - I'll take my son and we'll leave this tribe. Forever.
- You can't!
- I can... Now I am an adult and I can care of myself and my son. Simply I don't have what to do in this tribe longer.
Kotori looked at Suletu surprised.
- I understand or I'm trying to understand you, but you still can't leave our tribe without letting know about your decision to Wenona.
- She'll know it, I'll talk to her...
- And I... I still care of you, Suletu.
- Until Maat is with Okomi. When she'll be back you'll forget me like yesterday, so better don't lie to yourself and me.

Kotori didn't say anything.
- I'm sorry, Kotori... - Suletu said silently. - I have to find Okomi and talk to him.
Kotori silently nodded. Suletu put her plate on the grass and left.

***

- Hey, Okomi, if even I am just a shadow for you, you still can't ignore me forever, - Suletu said when she saw Okomi sitting at the fire.

Okomi felt how much pain is in Suletu's voice. He looked at his mate for short and fell down his eyes at once feeling embarrassed and not knowing what he should say her.

- Many things had happened you know... - he muttered. 

- Yes, that's true... - Suletu chuckled. - Don't worry, I didn't forget it, but still... We have to talk as I don't have too much time.

- And are you hurry somewhere? - Okomi smiled.

- Yes... I'm in hurry and that's why we have to talk. Now, Okomi.

- Ok... - he agreed raising to his feet.

- Let's go... - Suletu turned away and went through the grass towards the chess table. Somehow all tribal members chose this place if they wanted to talk seriously about something.

- So? - Okomi looked at Suletu.

- I'm surprised you agreed to talk to me! Can you remember when you talked to me last time? - Suletu laughed, her laughter was painful and full of anger.

- No... - his answer was short.

- Me too... I know Maat is better than I, so you prefer her... I'm just that stupid girl who seduced you and made us both to pay for the mistake we did, - Suletu talked swallowing the tears, her voice trembled, - and she's a woman who has more experience in life... 

- Suletu...

- Don't interrupt me! - Suletu raised her voice feeling how a huge wave of anger flooded her heart. - You had to tell me... Before going to her... But you acted like some... - she swallowed her tears again and made to smile herself. - Well, I'll survive it. I just want to say you I and Halian are leaving this tribe. 

- What?! - Okomi almost jumped in the surprise. - You can't take Hallian, he is my son!

- Did you just remember you have a son? What a shame, Okomi! - Suletu shook her head smiling ironically. - You forgot me and Halian, so it means you don't need us... And we'll not disturb you and Maat. So... I think that's all what I wanted to tell you. Good luck to you, Okomi!

- Are you leaving me? Suletu! - Okomi exclaimed.

Suletu didn't turn to him. She went through the dewy grass not seeing anything through the tears in her eyes.

Sleep. It was all she needed now. Suletu went into her tent rejoicing that finally she's alone again. It was so hard to talk to Okomi, but she had to do that. 

"Tomorrow will be another day", - she calmed down herself laying down next to her sleeping son.- "We'll be happy, Halian..."- she smiled through the tears and kissed Hallian's cheek.

3.28. Obsessed with love

Okomi felt weird already long time. He couldn't say what's going with him but he couldn't get out Maat of his head. He felt like his soul and body don't belong to him anymore, everywhere was Maat - in his mind, in his heart, in his dreams... He even almost didn't need sleep and food, he didn't need anything, except Maat. Okomi knew and felt that others look at him askew, but he couldn't fight against that. He followed Maat everywhere... At first they only talked. He needed Maat and her support and she was able to understand him. It was too hard to talk to Suletu and even look at her eyes after all what happened to them both. Maat was so wise, he always admired her mind and wisdom. However, there was something more and Okomi couldn't explain it. It was like attraction he was unable to fight. They've never kissed, they've never were lovers, but he was bonded somehow to Maat and he was sure it's a love and maybe even stronger than love. Even when he saw that Kotori gets furious seeing him trying to flirt with Maat, he still couldn't stop.

His life became similar to the walking on a dagger blade. He didn't notice how his son Halian grew up to a handsome boy.

He even didn't care what Maat thinks and how she feels, but if Okomi would have to look at her heart he would see that she suffers, too. Maat was able to realize that something is going wrong although she couldn't also fight against that.
- I don't know what's going between you and Okomi and it's not my business, Maat, - once said Wenona her, -  but if you two will not stop it will not end good.
Maat felt ashamed, but she couldn't think how to explain all this weird bond between her and Okomi.

She just felt that Wenona is right. Her life was more like a dream than a life. She and Okomi slept if even their eyes were opened widely. Maat knew if they'll not wake up now they'll stay in this dream obsessed with their weird love. But was their love real?

3.27. A sign

She got what she wanted. Nikki stood long in euphoria and still thinking of Kotori's hands and lips touching her, their entwined bodies.  A revenge was sweet. "You're lost, Maat..." - she thought and chuckled."- Kotori is mine now"...

It was Nikki's little secret, her victory she enjoyed so much, but her satisfaction didn't last long. They met many nights secretly and soon Nikki realized that she can have Kotori's body, but not his soul. His soul belonged to Maat. Yes, he was nice with Nikki and sweet, but he always was distant... No matter how many times Nikki looked at his eyes deeply trying to get stronger bond, her charms didn't work. Kotori was charmer, but not Nikki and it was the worst truth she wanted to know.

And then Nikki thought about Tahatan. She felt ashamed and guilty... Tahatan was clear like water, he's never told lies and betrayed her. It was so hard to look at his eyes after what she did... She did a lot. Luckily anyone didn't know about it except Nikki. If they would know she would lose everything. Was it worth to risk for the passion? Nikki couldn't think about it, she even didn't want to think, especially when she saw how happy is her mate. Tahatan was great father to their kids and it seemed he is the most happiest person in this world having Nikki and their four children.

It was really hard for Nikki and when Wenona felt labor pains she sincerely rejoiced. While Noel tried to calm Wenona down she rushed to her tent to take verbs and prepare a special drink for Wenona that helps for labor. The care of her creator and her baby also helped and Nikki. She got rid of her thoughts about Kotori even for few hours.

That day Wenona and her brother Noel had a boy named Sakima what means "chief, king" in the Blesssing Moon tribe's native language.

Noel was so happy that he became a father again and it helped Nikki to forget about herself again.

After Sakima's birth Nikki and Kotori didn't meet longer. Not that they didn't want that, it just happened by itself. And probably it was the best. Nikki tried to forget about their love adventure focusing on her kids and meditation.
Soon her and Tahatan's sons grew up and now her life was easier. Twins were nice boys. Anoki was loner like her mother, but he always smiled.

His brother twin Atohi was smart like the old man and he always tried to be near Nikki.

Nikki loved her kids and she tried to be a good mother. It also helped her not hear the voice of conscience. It was very hard not hear this voice, especially when she saw how Okomi behaves. She know the reason, but she didn't know how to help him and not give herself away, so she decided just forget and do nothing although Nikki felt how someone watches her. She even could swear sometimes she felt someone's presence, but she ignored it and tried to make herself believe that nothing happened, she's never slept with Kotori and she never did what she did. However,  at one early morning she understood she can't pretend longer.
Nikki and her son Atohi stood outside enjoying the rising sun when suddenly she heard a strange caw. Nikki looked up and saw a big raven sitting on the branch of a tree.

- You have to stop it... - Nikki heard a voice. - If you'll not do that the guy will die and you'll lose everything.
Nikki shook her head trying to ignore the voice.
- You know the truth and the truth will haunt you till your last breathe... I told you bring the love to the tribe, but not hatred and jealousy.
Nikki stood as if frozen and stared at the raven.
- Ma! Ma! - Atohi shook her hand, but she didn't feel it. Nikki was scared.
It was a sign and she had to think seriously.

3.26. Seducers

Kotori stood long time staring at the starlight sky. He didn't want to go to his tent although he thought about Maat and his son Chatan. He just kissed his daughter's forehead and just hid under the woods. His broken heart yearned the solitude.
- Hey, what are you doing here, Kotori? - suddenly he heard female voice.
Kotori turned and saw Nikki. She looked at him curiously.
- Did you miss me, stikini? - Kotori smiled ironical.
- You'll never change, - Nikki shook her head and was going away, but Kotori stopped her grabbing by her hand.
- I'm sorry... - he said. - I know you don't like when I call you stikini, - his dark eyes shone in the darkness like two Obsidian stones. - Honestly... I want to make it up with you.

Nikki looked at him surprised. She even didn't want to believe in what she's just heard, but Kotori was sincere. He really wanted to make it up with Nikki.
- Aren't you too nice tonight? - now Nikki smiled ironical.
- I'm not nice and I'll never be, - Kotori's voice sounded gloomy and angrily. - But I am sincere and you should appreciate it.
- Oh... - Nikki chuckled. - I really do, Kotori! And what made you change your mind?
- Is it important?

Nikki looked at his eyes. It was so hard to reject his charm... Kotori seemed even more handsome and attractive than before, sadness and misery suited him.
- Well, it's not important. As I know what has happened... - finally she answered.
- Really?
Nikki nodded.
- You feel lonely tonight, Kotori... As she left you, - she said silently.
Kotori ignored Nikki's words. He didn't want to hear anything about Maat that night. He wanted to forget her and make her suffer like she made him suffering. He wanted to forget. Forget everything and listen only his hurt heart and body.
- It's not important, - he said wrapping his arms around her and pulling Nikki in his embrace.

 

Nikki cuddled against his strong body feeling how the wings of the thousand butterflies touched her skin. She smiled mysteriously and closed her eyes. Kotori was hers. Finally. She dreamed of it so many nights and days... She still couldn't believe in that, but she knew that he is really hers. If even it will just be for the one night. And Nikki was right. Well, almost right as Kotori thought of her the same. He knew he'll not let her go that night. He stepped back and stared at her with his dark eyes. Nikki stared at him back.
- So? Are we friends since now? - she asked.
- Friends? Are we just friends? - Kotori smiled.

- I don't know... What do you think of it?
- I think you want me... - Kotori whispered leaned against Nikki. - And I want you, too.
Nikki smiled still not taking her eyes off him.
- You are evil... - she whispered him.

- No... - Kotori shook his head. - Here you are evil as you allow me to seduce you...
"Are you sure, Kotori?"- she thought and smiled at him mysteriously. - "Aren't you the only, who is seduced?"
- And I am yours... Here and now, - she said looking at his eyes full of lust and passion.

Kotori didn't say any word. He pulled Nikki to himself and kissed her hungrily trying to forget all his pain, anger and this world.

3.25. The gossip

Kotori was silent like a shadow during the whole hunt. He so hated Okomi that even didn't want to look at him... But when Kotori drew his bow and targeted to his childhood friend and cousin, his hand trembled. No matter how he was angry and wanted revenge, Kotori couldn't kill Okomi. But how to live knowing that Okomi lured his red flower? Maybe that's some spells? Kotori has been heard about the spirits what live in the woods and curse people, perhaps Okomi and Maat are spellbound? Kotori had lots of questions... However, nothing could be worse for his hurt ego. How such urchin like Okomi could do so to him? How Maat could pretend that nothing happened and lie to him? If they decided to play with him that stupid game he'll play with them, but they'll play by his rules.

***

It was already late evening when Nikki had dinner with her daughter Senia and Tahatan.

- Is that true that aunt Maat sleeps in uncle Okomi's tent? - suddently asked Senia.

- Who told you that, Senia? - Tahatan looked surprised at his daughter.

- I heard how Inara teased Chatan...

- Inara? 

- Yes... - a girl nodded. - She said him that his mom will leave him and his dad and will move in uncle Okomi's tent. And she also said all know that his mom doesn't love his dad anymore.

Tahatan looked at Nikki.

- Children... - Nikki chuckled. - Inara isn't very nice girl...

 - Isn't a very nice girl? - Tahatan looked astonished at his mate. - She behaves horribly! And you, young lady... - he turned to his daughter. - Don't you think that's not nice to spread gossip around? 

Senia blushed and fell her eyes.

Nikki smiled.

- They are just kids, Tahatan...

- Kids shouldn't interfere in the adults life. Kids should play and enjoy their childhood, right, Senia? - Tahatan looked at his daughter again.

- I agree, dad... - a girl nodded. - But Inara...

- It's not important what others say, Senia! It's most important what you believe in yourself! - Tahatan taught his daughter. - People can tell many things and all they said can be only a lie. Until you'll not see with your eyes or will not touch with your hands, don't believe what others said you.

Senia looked at her father with big eyes trying to understand his words. A little girl understood that he can be right and she should keep his words in her mind, but then what about her sister? Did she really lie to her? If Inara did then she will regret... Senia will make her regret.

Nikki smiled watching her daughter and Tahatan. She didn't say any word, just ate and thought of something.

Then was heard how someone is running through the grass. Tahatan turned a bit and saw Chatan. A boy was crying and tried to avoid Tahatan, but a man stopped him grabbing Chatan by his hand.

- Hey! Where are you running?

Chatan lowered his head looking at the grass.

- I don't know... - he muttered after a short pause. - I guess I and my little sister don't have home longer...

- Why? - Tahatan asked.

- Because my mom doesn't love us anymore... - a boy lifted up his tearful face and looked at Tahatan.

Tahatan gave a deep sigh.

- Who said you that nonsense?

- Inara said him that! - Senia exclaimed. - I heard it myself! 

- Senia! - Nikki looked strictly at her daughter. - The question wasn't intended for you!

- Did Inara say you that, Chatan? - Tahatan asked a boy looking for short at his daughter and Nikki.

Chatan silently nodded.

- Oh, my boy... - Tahatan smiled and stroked his nephew's red hair. - I am sure your mom loves you and your little sister, how it could be otherwise? 

- But Inara said that my mom sleeps in uncle Okomi's tent!

- Inara lied to you... She can be mean girl sometimes, but I promise I'll talk to Inara. 

- And my dad? 

- What about your dad?

- Will he not leave us if our mom doesn't love him?

- Of course, he will not do that! - Tahatan chuckled and hugged a boy. - Now let me help you to find your mom. I am sure she missed you.

A little boy wasn't sure about anything, but talking to Tahatan he felt much better. Chatan even laughed through his tears hugging tight his uncle. He believed in him. He wanted all what Tahatan said him wanting to console him would be true. However, uncle Tahatan would never lie to him, so he has to trust him. 

Tahatan didn't lie. He felt sorry for his little nephew. "What's going here?"- he thought leading a boy to his mother. All these talks he heard from her daughter seemed disgusting to him. He didn't like the gossip and he really wanted to know the truth. Especially when his daughter is involved in that.

3.24. In the same pirogue

It seemed after Suletu and Okomi punishment everything slowly calmed down and a life in the tribal camp flowed on the own way, but Kotori didn't feel good seeing Okomi spending more and more time with Maat. And not only Okomi. Somehow all tribal men buzzed like flies about his mate. Even his brother Tahatan. Kotori felt that something is going wrong, but didn't have anyone he could vent his uneasiness. In the past, he would be talking to Wenona, but after their last conversation, when she told him that it does't matter what he thinks, Kotori had no desire to talk to his twin sister. And what would he say her? That he fears to lose his beloved? No, he will not do that. He is Kotori Blessing Moon, he is strong and sturdy in his spirit and what has to be the Blessing Moon tribe's son and if everything will be really bad, he will find a way to solve his problems. But each time he kissed Maat he felt that she is distant and the fear that she leaves him chewed Kotori more and more.

And when one morning he woke up and didn't find Maat near him the anxiety and bad feeling bounded him so strong that he almost couldn't breathe. "Probably Maat went with Chatan to the river to wash," - he calmed himself. - Or she's breastfeeding Tama..."But somehow the legs brought him out from the tent themselves and the anxiety drove him to seek Maat. However, he found his son together with Sihu.

- Haven't you seen your mom? - he asked his son.

- No... - the boy shook his head. - Is something happened to mommy?

- No... I think she's okay, - Kotori smiled and went away leaving a surprised boy.

- My dad acts weird... - Chatan said watching his father.

- All adults are weird, - Sihu chuckled. - Don't worry, Chatan, I am sure nothing wrong didn't happen to your mom.

Kotori didn't hear his son's words... He even hardly heard his brother Tahatan, when he stopped him and started talk about the upcoming hunt. Tahatan didn't see what he just saw. Maat and Okomi just came out from the tent. Kotori pretended that he didn't notice it although his heart broke in thousand pieces in jealousy and resentment.

He didn't want to believe in that... It could be that his Maat, his red flower...? Kotori clenched his fists silently. He was ready to kill Okomi right now, but it wouldn't be wise. Maybe he'll wait for the hunt. 

***

- Where were you, red flower? I was looking for you... - Kotori asked Maat when he found her near shower cabin. He felt how his voice trembled in anger, but he immediately restrained himself. He didn't want that Maat would get he's seen her and Okomi together.

- Did you miss me, my hawk? - Maat chuckled playfully.

- I always miss you, - Kotori smiled and swallowed. - But you didn't answer me...

- I was to look how our little girl is doing, - Maat answered.

"Why are you lying to me, Maat?" - Kotori thought, but he didn't say anything, just pulled Maat in the kiss.

*** 

Suletu felt totally down when she saw Okomi and Maat coming out from the tent. All her fears came true. She was a shadow. Maat was more interesting than she is, and probably much more experienced in all things. She wanted to hate Maat, but couldn't because Maat was good. She couldn't hate Okomi, too, because she loved him. But she had a lot of anger inside and she wanted to tear out Maat's eyes as she took her Okomi. Are all of them weren't enough her pain and loneliness? However, the answer wasn't. There was anyone and who could comfort her. Suletu just quietly counted the stayed days to her Birthday and waited for her son will grow up. Then she will come out. Anywhere.

- So what? Were we both left on the ice? - Suletu even quailed when suddenly she hear Kotori's voice. He was ironic as always.

- What are you talking about? - Suletu still didn't want to give herself away.

- Come on, girl! - Okomi laughed. - You are poor pretender! Just look at your face...

- And don't you want to look at yourself, Kotori? - Suletu retorded. - You have more needles than a hedgehog! 

Kotori chuckled and already wanted to say something the girl, but then he heard the voices of Chatan and Maat. He didn't want to give himself away like Suletu. 

- So? - Suletu asked him angrily with a silent voice. - Do you want still mock at me? 

Kotori didn't answer. There's nothing to say. Now he and Suletu sat in the same pirogue.