3.30. Stikini

Nikki knew she made a big mistake and she was scared. She didn't want Suletu and Okomi to harm and it even wasn't her goal. She wanted only one - to prove Maat that Kotori is easily accessible and any woman can have him any time and anywhere. And yes... To be honest she wanted him so badly. She got him and had him in those bushes and she had to admit he was great lover, but... What now? Nothing. Nikki felt empty and felt horrible any time when she had go to sleep and lie down next to Tahatan, when she had to look at his eyes. And that raven. It haunted her wherever she was... Nikki always heard the same: "Tell the truth... Tell the truth"... But how? How to tell the truth and what truth she has to say? What about? About how she poisoned Okomi wanting to get Kotori and teach Maat "a valuable lesson"? How she cheated on Tahatan? From where she should begin? Nikki felt totally confused. A meditation was everything what she mostly did recently. She wanted to clear her soul and mind and find the answer what she should to do, but it didn't help.

Nikki avoided her children and Tahatan as she feared that they'll ask her to explain what means her weird behavior, but one day everything resolved by itself.
Tahatan caught her by her hand when she tried to pass by him unnoticed.
- Nikki, you'll not get rid of me, do you hear me? - he pulled her to himself. - Stop ignore me, please!
Nikki's heart started to beat like crazy.
- I... I... - she smiled not knowing what to say.
- Nikki, you drive me crazy... You are such... - Tahatan shook his head narrowing his eyes. - Sometimes I want to grab and shake you in anger, but I can't... I love you too much, Nikki, - he kissed her hand. - I love you and our kids more than my life.

Nikki knew that Tahatan says a truth. He loved her no matter how many times she was mean and hurt him, no matter how many times she rejected him. He loved her when she betrayed him. He loved her always... Suddenly Nikki felt how tears fill her eyes.
- I am sorry, Tahatan... - Nikki muttered.
- Are you crying? What's wrong? - Tahatan looked at her green eyes worried.
- I'm not worth your love, I'm not worth anything...
- What are you talking about? - Tahatan stepped back a bit.
- We have to talk, Tahatan...
- What about?
- Listen... I lied to you, Tahatan... I did many horrible things, - Niki's voice trembled.

- I don't understand...
- Listen to me, please...  If I'll not tell the truth now I'll never tell it more...
- Ok... - Tahatan nodded.
- So... It began before many suns and moons. I and Maat argued for Kotori. I was jealous of her as I... - Nikki fell her eyes. - I wanted Kotori, I desired him... After our quarrel I decided to teach her and... Then I started to prepare a food adding some herbs what stimulate a lust and unhealthy attraction to another person. If even you refuse to sleep with that person you want all the time to be with him or her, you'll be totally addicted. You'll not need any rest, any food, almost anything, except your love object.

- Unfortunately, Okomi also ate this food and he ate it too much... These verbs are poisonous... And I'm afraid he'll die soon.
Tahatan stared at Nikki not wanting to believe in her words.
- And... Did you... with my brother? - he asked silently.
- Yes... - Nikki nodded. - I did...

- Oh no! Why did you do that, Nikki?! Why?! - he shouted covering his face and bursting in tears.
- I am stikini, your brother was right... - Nikki muttered watching Tahatan. - I don't want to be evil, but I am...
- Go out, woman! Go away and leave me alone! - Tahatan cried yelling angrinly at Nikki.
Nikki stood looking at him and feeling how the ground slips under her feet. "I am dead..." - she thought. "- I wish I was dead..."